I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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