my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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