Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
