Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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