he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
