Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
