Don't make out with my wife yet
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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