She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Randomize