I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
