i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize