I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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