it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
