how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
honey bunches of taint.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
