Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
