I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize