Can Purell be used as lube?
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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