Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Just pee around me
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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