You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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