i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
