I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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