You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
