I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
