dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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