woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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