We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
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