So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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