Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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