You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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