I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
