i barfeds in our rink
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
