News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize
