Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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