Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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