I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
