i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
