Don't make out with my wife yet
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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