who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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