So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
