Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
