It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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