he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
