I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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