eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
