I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
