she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
