we're making bets on your personal life
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
