i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Randomize
