Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
