...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Randomize
