Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
