Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
