Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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