How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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