I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
zippers are such a cool invention
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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