I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
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i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
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HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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