Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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