he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
