idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
My breasts were aching with rage.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
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