just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
