I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
