My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I had to cum in my sink.
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