You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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