I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Naked. naked and bneed help.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
