I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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