if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
PS: I just woke up from my shower
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
