I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
