mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
